Brandon is my nephew. Like many boys his age, he’s focused on toys and play time.
Ever meet Santa?
I never met him, but I heard him once. I heard a buncha deer on Christmas Eve.
When I was three, I met the fake Santa at the mall and by mistake I pulled off his beard. It went back on, and all he said was hey. Then he asked me what I wanted.
Last Christmas I saw a bunch of Santa dudes. They were like dinga linga ling with those bells. People were putting money in the thingamajig. They say Have a good Christmas, and then I say You too.
One time I was looking out the window, and my parents weren’t there, and I thought that Santa just left. I thought I saw some breath steam coming off the roof. Something did stink like deer.
What do you think of Santa?
He’s pretty cool. Technically, he might need to go to a weight-loss clinic, but he’s pretty cool.
Think you’ll see him this year?
Hopefully, because last year my sister tried to wake up early to see if Santa Claus does exist, but when we got up, all we saw were a bunch of filled stockings and presents.Â
If you could tell Santa anything, what would it be?
I’d like to have… you’ve heard of the TIE fighters in Star Wars, right? Well I want a TIE pilot, cause I don’t have one.
That’s what you’d tell Santa if you had the chance to tell him anything at all?
I might want more Star Wars things like a sand trooper, a snow trooper. I just like the bad guys more than the good guys.
Do you think Santa deserves a year off?
No. What could be so hard about making your deer land on it [the roof] and then barely walking to the chimney and then just jumping down the chimney or tapping your nose and falling through the roof?
I never even saw the guy. Yet.